MAKE ME OR BREAK ME: 2018, a year in review

Haircuts, cons, book releases ... now that the dust has settled, it's time to take a look back at one of the most painful, exhausting, rewarding, and life-changing years of this entire decade. 2018 was the definition of an emotional roller coaster, but I think it may have helped shape who I'm going to become. The seeds of the best version of myself may have been planted last year, and I hope to look back on even the heartbreak with gratitude and clarity one day. So, here we go. Everyone's safety equipment engaged? Got your snacks? Then let's dive in.

In 2017, I spent most of my year broken. I tore my ACL back in February, and was on crutches or post-surgical medical leave until September. The whole experience completely set back my career path and fitness journey, and even almost two years later I haven't entirely recovered.

In 2018, my physical health continued to deteriorate, to the point where I've had to take a step back from my puppetry jobs. I've had to shift my 32-hour contract with Universal Studios to a 24-hour one, and while the financial situation will be tight I'm grateful to still be employed. But the pain of day-to-day life, as I was diagnosed with Tendinitis in my wrists and hands, makes it clear that I won't be able to do the job for much longer. On top of that, this past Christmas was also the second-worst I've ever had. We spent it in the hospital with my dad, who almost died on the morning of December 23rd. He had an Aortic Dissection, and was subsequently diagnosed with Adult Onset Type 2 Diabetes. Since then, the family has dragged itself through the holidays with the barest cheer. We've all been examining our own health, as well as taking turns caring for his.

2018 ended with stress and drama.  However, the year was also filled with milestones, and reminders that I can handle difficult things. Every one of them gives me hope for 2019, and promises that things do improve, eventually. The following are just some of the highlights that help me keep looking up.

1) RunDisney

Learning to walk again was excruciating. To this day, my bad knee still gives out on me with no warning, and the pain has never completely faded away. However, I've been fighting HARD to get back to normal. And last Spring, barely a year after the incident and the surgery, I broke TWO of my own personal records. I ran my first ever 10K, and my first ever Half Marathon. Both were amazing themed runs here in Orlando, with runDisney. Before that, I'd only ever done 5Ks. 

The journey was agonizing. There were times when I almost got swept completely, and thought for sure I wouldn't be allowed to finish. But, with every piece of stubbornness I have in my soul, I pulled through. I finished, and wept at each medal. This finish line photo, I think, says it all. A year after my entire knee exploded, I finished the hardest two races of my life. And I wasn't dead last.

2) Re-BRANDING MYSELF

In late 2017 I realized that I DESPERATELY needed glasses. And, I quickly discovered, they look DARLING on me. Within the first few months of 2018, I started on a journey to find my "new look." For a long time, I've been caught in that "I want to be castable but I also want to feel good in my own skin" place. Finally, with the glasses and the bright red pixie cut, I found myself. It may sound shallow and cheesy to say that, but other actors will understand. There comes a time when you look in the mirror, and realize you only look the way you do because of casting directors. Your job is to look how other people want you to, and while you don't want to put yourself out of the running for roles you really want, at the end of the day you have to like coming home to yourself.

3) The Mapweaver Chronicles

In the summer of 2018 I had a cancer scare. For several weeks, I lived in terror of finding out that I had the same cancer that killed my mother. In the end, it was a false alarm, but the anxiety remained. What if one day I DID get sick? What if I passed away far too young, and never became the version of myself I wanted to be? And one night, at around 3:00 AM, I lay awake in the throes of a panic attack, and made a decision: I was done waiting for other people to believe in me. It was time I believed in myself. The panic morphed into productivity, and in the space of 18 days I released my debut novel, Windswept. And while I certainly don't recommend cancer scares as a motivational tool, for me it propelled me into the path that I'm so happily on now. Since then, I have also released Book II (Inkspice) and started on Book III. The Mapweaver Chronicles have become a symbol to me: I am stronger than the fear.

4) Con Life

With the release of my first book, I also embraced one of the best tools in any extroverted nerd's marketing arsenal: CONS! As an author, I attended my second ever con (first as an exhibitor or artist) only two weeks after Windswept released. Ancient City Con was an absolute delight, and I've fallen in LOVE with #ConLife. I already can't wait to spend the next few years travelling to every con I can feasibly drive to. I met so many amazing people, and even got to speak on my very first author panel!

And it wasn't just Ancient City Con I got to visit! That was my first as an exhibitor, but earlier in the year I went to my first con ever as a GUEST when I visited ​MegaCon Orlando with my team from Random Encounter Productions. We went to mingle and make friends, as well as pass around business cards about our channel to any interested parties.

​I am here to tell you: as someone who has only watched this phenomenon through my TV, or heard my friends talking about their experiences at length, IT WAS LIKE STEPPING INTO A GEEKY DREAM! So much merch I wanted to buy! So many amazing people creating and selling pieces of their passions and fandoms! And, everywhere, costumes. As an actor and huge nerd, everywhere I looked I was impressed by the theatricality. Even if my book had not taken off, I would be visiting cons for years to come based on that first day alone.

5) D&D, Tabletop, and More!

Speaking of REP, I co-founded a BUSINESS THIS YEAR?! That's right, 2018 was the year Random Encounter Productions was officially established, and yet another dream became a reality. In February, my boyfriend quit his full time job, and dedicated everything he had to bringing our games to the world. What started as a bunch of friends just playing Dungeons and Dragons for fun has become, in the past year, an international community of gamers and geeks. It is one of the most terrifying decisions either of us have ever made, and this is in a year FULL of changes.

At the end of the day, this part of the year is more about Cody than it is about me. He has risked everything to chase his passions, I'm just here to support him. But, for both of us, the challenge of teaching ourselves how to be small business owners has been taxing. The year has been exhausting, and full of new challenges neither of us expected. We have so many plans for the future of this company, and the fact that we SURVIVED this long is a miracle. The realization of dreams in 2018 really and truly began with this company. So, to Cody, I am forever grateful. He launched my year into chaos and wonder, and our lives will never be the same. At least, I hope they won't. Despite the health problems, the work stress in other areas of my life, the horrific family tragedies ... we both came out the other side with different priorities. New career paths. New friends. I wouldn't trade any of them for the world.

So, let's do this 2019. Saddle up, and get ready for even grander adventures and bigger dreams. It's showtime.